I am grateful...

1. For my family
2. That we have an amazing dinner on the table
3. That we have to gospel
4. That we are sealed in the temple for all time and eternity
5. To have my very own set of scriptures
6. To know how to read
7. That I love reading
8. That I basically have homework justification to read every day
9. For awesome professors
10. That I go to BYU
11. That I get to sing in an amazing choir everyday
12. That we're singing Christmas songs right now
13. That there are only a few more weeks of school before break
14. That I have the hours of work that I need each week
15. That I have wonderful bosses that are really understanding
16. That I can basically of understand Spanish when an RM speaks it and I can understand almost 75% when a native speaks it
17. That I live with some of the coolest people ever
18. That they like me
19. That they let me decorate our apartment
20. That life is good
21. That I'm happy
22. That I'm healthy
23. That my family is safe and healthy
24. That my roommates are safe and healthy
25. That we're going to see Blind Side this weekend
26. That I get to see my dogs this weekend
27. That I got to sleep in this week
28. For people that sustain me in my calling
29. I can take the sacrament every week
30. The temple is within walking distance
31. And I can go weekly
32.That I'm going on a mission!
33. That I have a testimony of the church
34. That Joseph Smith restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ
35. That Thomas S. Monson is the prophet
36. That he communicates to us often and I can study his words
37. That there are many many good people in the world
38. That the bag checker at Heathrow let me through with heavy luggage last year
39. That I got to go to London
40. That I have central heating
41. That I have a water heater
42. For the internet
43. For Google
44. For microwaves
45. For hand mixers
46. For double ovens
47. For making my first pie crust
48. That my mom wants to buy me new shoes- I really need new shoes
49. For hanging out with my family
50. For being able to help
51. For growing up and changing in good ways
52. For President Todd who is the greatest Stake President
53. For chick flicks
54. For really good movies- like Star Trek
55. For free foreign films at International Cinema
56. For roommate prayer
57. That I know how to pray
58. That I'm going home for Christmas- as much as I dislike LasVegas
59. That I live by the mountains
60. For egg nog
61. For pumpkin pie
62. That I got to go to the Sacred Grove with my family
63. That I have a patriarchal blessing
64. For cooking
65. For aprons
66. While we're on the subject- cardigans
67. And the color red
68. For cute heels
69. That we're putting up Christmas decorations when everyone is back
70. For post-its
71. For not having to use the cards to find books at the library
72. For iPods
73. For Pandora
74. Did I say sleep. Well I'm really grateful for sleep
75. That I sang in Chap's choir
76. That I'm wearing jeans right now
77. That I get a queen size bed tonight
78. For smoked Turkey
79. For an awesome bishopric
80. For being a part of the Harry Potter Generation
81. For the next HP movie
82. That the Lord of the Rings movies were really good
83. For Earth
84. For water
85. For seasons
86. For wikipedia
87. For poetry
88. For Paradise Lost
89. For being a girl
90. For being born
91. For BYU religion classes, which I've missed tremendously this semester
92. That I get to be a mother someday
93. That so many people are praying for me
94. That I don't have to travel for hours to get to church
95. That my prayers are answered
96. For the examples of service around me
97. That Jesus Christ atoned for my sins
98. That He lives
99. That He loves me.
100. That I can live with Him again

Silent Saturday

From-http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/48175/Prophets-life-portrayed-on-film.html

Some big decisions...

I know I haven't written very much lately. Everything seems to have sped up to 100 miles an hour. I can't even express how much I appreciated day light savings time last night- aka an extra hour of sleep. But amidst the late nights at the library, choir performances, and family vacations, some very important things have happened. Quiet things that will forever change my life.

Today during the sacrament I felt impressed to write about a very special experience that I want to share :

I remember distinctly a night when I was about 7 or 8 years old kneeling in bed and being overcome with feelings of love from my Savior Jesus Christ. In that moment, at such a young age, I knew without a doubt that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, that He knew me by name, and that He loved me. In that sacred moment He testified to me by the Holy Spirit that the words of my parents were true. He had actually lived on the earth and suffered the atonement. That he had done so out of love and obedience to His Father so that I could come live with Him again. I knew that He truly wanted that for me, and this knowledge gave me happiness I had never before experienced.

Joseph Smith said that he could never deny that the First Vision happened because it did. He knew it and God knew it. While heavenly visions were not a part of my experience, it happened. I know what I learned that night and so does God. And because of this, I can never deny that Jesus is the Christ, the very son of God.

It's been over a decade since that quiet night, but I still think of it often. I know that it has defined my life: the choices I have made and the person I have become. And I know that it will continue to do so.

I share this experience to express my deeply rooted testimony in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, a fundamental part of who I am. And I share it to hopefully give you an idea of why I have decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know that it is true, and am excited to give a year and a half of my life to a loving Father in Heaven who has already given me so much. The prospect is daunting, but I know that in so many ways it will make me into the person I long to become. That I can find myself in the losing of myself. That I can be more flexible in the hands of a master craftsman and somehow aid the bringing forth of this great work. Even His entire work and glory.

Silent Saturday

A Firstgrader's Lunch

Today as I sat cross-legged in the basement of the JFSB cramming for a test, eating the Ham and Cheddar Lunchable and chocolate milk I had vended from the vending machine, I thought of how much I would have enjoyed that lunch when I was 6 years old. Luchables were the cool things to eat at my elementary school. My mom rarely, if ever, bought them for us, pointing out that the food wasn't good enough quality for how much they charged as well as the shocking lack of vegetables. She was right on both accounts, but my 6 year old mind could only comprehend how much I wanted them and didn't have them. Now, in my 20 year old glory I can buy my own lunchables. Only- it doesn't satisfy anymore. Sure, it got me through a couple hours of studying and testing until I could get home and eat something substantial. It served its purpose. But I no longer consider crackers, cheese, and ham a full meal.

As I thought on these things instead of neoclassical ideals and romantic poets, it manifested to me how fundamentally I've changed from my 6 year old self. I realize this fact should have been obvious, but I'd never really thought about it. Everything from what I value in cuisine to what I think and care about has matured. I feel like my heart has been changed in ways similar to the process described in the scriptures. I know my choices are made based on a desire to please my Heavenly Father and emulate his love an compassion.

As innocent as I was at 6, I was selfish, prejudiced, argumentative, manipulative, as well as many other things. From what I recall of my mind at the time, I felt completely justified in almost all of my behavior. And while I probably haven't abandoned some of those characteristics as fully as I would like to, I have gained an understanding of the consequences of my actions, a desire to love others and behave in a way that would express that love. I'm far from where I want to be. But sometimes we get so caught up on how far we have to go and everything we're not, that we forget how far we've come and the person that we are right now. I know that in the coming years experiences will come and I will eventually become the strong loving nurturing capable woman I want to be, but it was nice to take a second and recognize that the person I have become over the years is everything I wanted to be when I was 6, and more. And that this transformation is the product of plan my Heavenly Father has for me. A plan that wonderful and beautiful and that they will lead me to a place joy that I cannot even imagine.

Line upon line

A couple of months ago I posted a long complaint about my frustration with being human- how I could accomplish so much more if I just didn't sleep. A few weeks later I posted some of the answers I'd received since then. Well I'm coming back to that strain.

Today my roommate Megan told me about her father and the path he took to law school. He completed his BS in Engineering, but when he started working he realized that he wanted to be doing something else. He settled on law. However, as he was looking at law schools and figuring out a plan to get there, he felt strongly impressed to take a job in Oklahoma. This job in Oklahoma provided him a year of rest in which he was able to be home with his family in the evenings and rejuvenate, enabling him to get through his years in law school.

A job in Oklahoma was not in the plan, but the Lord knew his capacities and was able to direct him in a way that facilitated his success. Heavenly Father does that for me too. Sometimes his directions make me stretch and grown through challenging experiences. But sometimes his plan for me includes times of rest. I don't think he ever wants us to be lazy, but running before we are able helps no one either. A burnt out light bulb is no use to anyone regardless of the previous abilities it had.

He wants us to be successful in our endeavors, but most importantly in our endeavor to become more like him. He wants us to have the time and energy to do the basics. Like read scriptures, serve others, attend the temple regularly, and we can't if we have 19 credit hours and 3 jobs and 7 children and 102 home renovation projects. All of these things are wonderful. School, work, children, creating a good living environment. But we overbook ourselves too much. As I've pondered this Fast Sunday I received a warning. Two amazing opportunities opened up this week: I am now the English 195 TA as well as a member of Women's Chorus. These are huge and wonderful accomplishments and I feel profusely blessed to have received them. However, I know how easy it will be to get so focused with school and work and choir, that I forget what really matters. That I will crowd out the most important parts of my life with things of visible importance. My goal this semester is to remain constant in the foundational activities of reading scriptures, going to the temple, and being service minded. That I will be content in resting. And that I will not shrink away from the difficult things that my Heavenly Father gives me to do.

You know, it's completely normal to learn in layers. No one can learn everything at once, which is why He gives it to us "line upon line". How grateful I am that He continues teaching me when I continue thinking and listening.

My Answer

Usually when I pose questions to the universe that are a result of frustration, I don't get an answer. It isn't until I've calmed down and thought it through that anything coherent shines through the darkness. So maybe I've been subconsciously working through this in my mind, because I got an answer.

A couple weeks ago I talked about how I wanted to change the world and just felt stinted. This Sunday in Relief Society, Kim, the wonderful and insightful president that she is, made a comment that directly addressed this. I don't remember the exact wording, in fact I think she was talking about visiting teaching, but she said, you don't have to do big things to change the world. You just have to care about individual people and contribute to their well being. Julie B. Beck said this in a talk of hers as well--that our most important service opportunities are found in our homes, wards, and communities.

I would love to go do peacecorp or volunteer at an orphanage in Romania or Bolivia, and maybe I will, but right now I can focus on my own limited sphere of influence. And I know that that contribution is not unimportant. It's easy to think that the work we do is insignificant, at least for me it is. But its nice to be reminded that if you are giving your best offering as Abel did, Heavenly Father accepts your offering gladly. I'm grateful for the reassurance. I needed reminding.

Can't talk- On holiday from life. Or learning how to live it...

I just need to express my gratitude to whoever decided to make Pioneer Day a state holiday and give me time off work and school, because they are a saint. (no pun intended)

Today was a wonderful day. A miracle happened. I got all the homework I wanted to get done done. And another perk of the day was hanging out with Josh, my little brother. He came over to swim and we ended up grabbing J Dawgs and he hung out while I did some research at the library. He's such a great sport and a amazing kid. I'm glad I've been able to hang out with him so much this summer. It's been a really awesome opportunity.

It's hard not to feel inspired by the early saints when they're on you mind. People who were strong enough to get across the plains with little more than a testimony of the gospel. They're made of the same stuff heroes are. But something it's easy to forget is that so are we. If they were able to accomplish challenging goals and still do something meaningful in their lives, you know, the important things that usually fall by the wayside, then so can I.

One day down, 3,487,597,435,983,475,987,349,579,487,593,487,593,487.5 more to go.

The importance of creativity.

Several things have made me ponder this recently. The church recently produced a video on the topic based on a talk by Elder Uchdorf that's simply amazing. If you haven't seen it, then I suggest you take a minuet and use the link below, because the way he talks about creative power is interesting and profoundly beautiful.



It just blows my mind. As we utilize our creative abilities we are exhibiting God-like characteristics. He created the earth. He created us. We are children of the most creative being and therefore, creativity is an encrypted part of who we are.

A friend of mine recently asked, "Why are outward talents so important? I mean aren't the inward talents of humility and charity more important?" As I've thought of this, I think that our outward as well as our inward talents are a result of our creative inclinations. Some people answer their creative impulses by playing the piano, others baking a pie, interior decorating, writing poetry, creating a loving home environment, gardening, building lasting relationships, cross country racing. There are so many different outlets for creativity. I don't know the answer to why they are so important. I definitely think the world probably puts more stock on outward abilities in comparison to moral inward characteristics than it should. But I also think that exploring and developing our creative capabilities is a valid part of what we should be doing with our lives.

Today in Sunday School this idea was developed further. We had a fantastic lesson by my roommate Lisa about the three degrees of glory with a focus on the ability to create. Most members of the church have heard the analogy where the telestial kingdom is likened to the light of the stars, the terrestrial kingdom is likened to the moon, and the celestial kingdom the sun. We reviewed this quickly and then Lisa turned off the lights. Once we were in total darkness she asked us how easily we would be able to create in this atmosphere. If I were writing or drawing or trying to read music it would be impossible to create something worth while. How unfulfilling life in this darkness would be without the ability to act on any creative impulses.

Next she turned on a small flashlight. This was the light of the stars. It was amazing how your eyes focus completely on the only light source in the room. While better than complete darkness, it would still have been very difficult to create anything. Even writing was only possible if you were within a small radius of the light source. A desk lamp represented the moon in the terrestrial kingdom. Once againm slightly better than the flashlight. I could now see the paper in front of me well enough to write, but I couldn't see the board or my those around me very well.

And then the lights came back on and all of the complications that had been present before were irrelevant. I could see everything clearly. It penetrated every part of the room. Everything was visible and I could write and think and look at the faces of people as they commented on the lesson. It was interesting to me how much more readily my brain worked when all the lights were on in the room. The light stimulated and perpetuated ideas and focus. It was the place to learn and grow. A Godly people want to create and so they create an environment where creativity can flourish. This is why it's such a huge part of the celestial kingdom and one of the reasons we're striving to get there.

I love creativity. I love admiring others' work, I love being a part of it myself. But it never really struck me how essential it was to who I am, and who I want to become until very recently. It just makes sense that when you aspire to be like Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven, you want to make the world a more beautiful place on every level. I personally am so grateful to be a part of this effort in my own small way. It gives me hope in the world, that inherently all children of God have this desire. And it makes me excited to work towards a place where creativity is wonderful and powerful and everything I create will reflect the gospel of Jesus Christ.

A confused ramble of morals and guilt...

I think there's something to be said about the ownership of time. For instance, everything from 1989 onward is mine. I was alive. Anything that's happened during those years, I am a part of because I was a living breathing individual on the earth when they happened. It's why people identify with ridiculous trends or movies that were popular when they were younger. They were a part of creating the trend or making the movie popular. It's hard to deny that I had anything to do with the Spice Girls craze in the 90's because I can still sing all the words to Wannabe. It's a part of who I am just as much as I was a part of it's existence.

This applies to historical things as well. I will always feel much more connected to the genocide in Rwanda, 9/11, and the War in Iraq than WWII or the Cold War. It's not that I'm not affected by them, I am. They just aren't tainted with a sense of ownership. We didn't have bombing drills in school. I didn't send friends and loved ones off to war. They happened, they were horrible, but I can't do anything about them now. My job is to find out what can be learned from the experiences of my grandparents and great-grandparents so that we can prevent them from happening again.

But history is slightly different when you're alive. When you're a part of the action. When you don't make your decisions in hindsight with loads of information that was only acquired after the peace treaty was signed. When you're living through it you don't know what to believe or what opinion to have. You're trying to decide what's best for your country without know what the future holds. Or who else might have plans of their own. The uncertainty is rather terrifying, and yet we proceed to live our normal lives, ones that usually don't involve much politics, habitual patterns that won't change the world anytime soon.

It's slightly surreal typing this at my secretarial job where the most traumatic thing that happens is a disgruntled student and I live and die with my English papers when there are people on the other side of the world shooting at each other with RPGs, when the drug cartels run countries of starving people, when gangs riddle neighborhoods that should be full of hope with fear and despair. Why do I get this life while others are stuck in those? And don't I have any ownership? If I'm doing nothing to solve these problems, aren't I a part of them? I just don't know what to do.

It all seems futile and yet I have hope. The Plan of Salvation gives me hope. Knowing that our Father in Heaven loves all of His children and wants them to be happy somehow gives me hope. Because if anyone has the ability and desire to actually do something that will make a difference, it's Him. I have hope that in following His gospel and His counsel, somehow it makes a difference in the scheme of things. That I am contributing to His perfect plan to make the world a better place. And until I graduate and can join peace corp or go on a service mission, these little acts of kindness will have to be sufficient.

Hyde Park Chapel

I would venture to say that the Hyde Park Chapel, located on Exhibition Road right by the V&A and Royal Albert Hall, is among the church's most visible meetinghouses in the world. With its amazing location, come great responsibility. The chapel has regular musical recitals and a permanent Genealogy Center; both of which allow investigators and curious passers-by to stop in and learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Little did the first missionaries to the great city of London know that not far from Hyde Park Corner where they were persecuted and heckled, there would stand a central feature of the Church in Great Britain. This would be a beautiful and imposing building where the saints could meet and worship in peace, and a location that would allow the building itself to function as a missionary tool to forward the work.

Church History Trip

Our church history trip really opened my eyes to the conditions of the new British converts. Some were like the Benbows, who were well-off landowners, but most were not. Most had very little and made due with what they had. Things such as the pond on the Benbow farm that they had to use instead of a formal font, and barns to congregate in instead of meeting houses really showed me the humble circumstances that were a way of life for them. How very proud thy must have been of their little chapel. Their converted farm building just went to show me that religion came first for these people-- even if they had to make sacrifices elsewhere.

Additionally, I was struck by the sense of community in faith they exhibited. Even before they became members of the church they were all searching together-- the Gadfield Elm chapel was just that. A place where a community searching for the truth could do so together. I imagine that once the first families heard the message of the gospel and realized it as what they were all looking for, they must have been so excited to share the news. And it was these wonderful sweet spirited people that was able to re-energize the membership of the church.