Make-believe

When I was young I didn’t read very much. I didn’t need to. I could go anywhere and be anything I wanted. It was only when I got older that I needed books to help me imagine. Although I outgrew the make believe freedom, I don’t think I ever outgrew the desire to do it.

It’s a miracle that studying English hasn’t killed that. Always trying to understand what the words and stories mean, hasn’t stolen their magical quality. I re-read Peter Pan for a class today. I understand it at a whole new level, but I still love it. It still speaks to me. Maybe that is because I am very much like the bitter narrator. The one who sees everything: the beauty and the faults. Somehow that reality is a much more appealing thing to imagine than the make believe of my childhood.

Social ineptitude

You know that moment when you are walking and you look up and see someone you kind of know. Not really well, but definitely someone that you recognize and they recognize you. In that moment, you have a choice: you can stop and say hi and ask how they're doing, you can smile and/or wave to acknowledge that yes you recognize them, or you can pretend you didn't see them and keep walking. These three reactions, define general social interaction. The really bubbly, friends with everyone people react the first way, normal people the second, and the socially inept with the third.

Sometimes I think people think I'm a snob, because most of the time, I don't know what to do, so I do nothing. I just pretend I didn't see them, and move on. But the truth is, I'm just awkward. It's easier. I don't have to deal with how they react to me or what they read into by me stopping or smiling. I don't know why I don't take these opportunities. I love people. I just struggle with all the in-between people. I do really well in professional settings. I do really well with my closest friends. But all the people between those two categories, I spend half the time I'm with them figuring out how to treat them. It's uncomfortable, and not fun, and very very awkward. Am I the only one? Anyone else feel this way sometimes?

Found: Adorable Kitten

I discovered one of my weaknesses yesterday. I love animals. I was walking home from work when I encountered a kitten sitting in the middle of the crosswalk. Of course I didn't want any cars to run it over so I gently picked it up and took it to the other side of the road. I put it down and attempted to walk away. It followed me. I picked it back up and walked it over to campus again, thinking it was one of the feral cats that live there. I put it back down. It followed me.

At this point. I completely gave in. It was way too clean and content to be held to be feral and there weren't any homes in the area likely to have a cat. So I took it home. I couldn't just abandon it to find its home alone. I am a sucker. Living at school I had forgotten how much of an animal person I am. I'm not really a cat lady type. No cat calendars for me. But when there's a cat or dog in my home, I love having them around. So yeah, I saved a cat yesterday. I fed it tuna and it hung out with me as I did homework in our hammock, and I put up signs to find its owner. I am a contributing member of society!