Opera Week

This is opera week for me. I started yesterday and I'm already at 7 hours of opera. You're probably wondering why it's opera week. Well, that's a good question. You see, I procrastinate, and that's bad. And I didn't realize how many practice hours I DON'T have for my private lessons. And it's graded and I don't want to get my lowest college grade on a half credit music class. So I'm trying to make it all up at the last minute. I can get the hours from actually practicing, going to performances, and listening to opera. So I'm singing all the time. Me and the HFAC have never been better friends. Andwhen I'm at work I'm allowed to listen to music, so I just listen to opera ALL DAY LONG. My co-workers think it's  funny because I'm always humming the songs I'm listening to. So when you're feeling down just think of me humming Carmen under her breath in a library basement surrounded by old stuff,with a coat on, because it's really cold down there. It seems like a funny image to me, maybe it'll brighten your day.

Pop-culture with a social commentary

The Hunger Games. I wonder how many blogs, facebook statuses and tweets have already been posted on this topic. They really have become the next Twilight, haven't they? Social phenomena that everyone seems to want a piece of; and now they can in two and a half hours without even devoting a weekend to reading the books. I'm going to be honest. I enjoyed the books, they're a little bit addicting. They are actually well written for teen fiction. I like the complexity of the characters and the well laid out plot. But ultimately I'm conflicted about them. And it's not for the reason you're thinking. I'm not conflicted about joining the pop-culture bandwagon.

The novel actually has some interesting social commentaries: the relationship between the first and third worlds, revolution psychology, and an analysis of the role of violence in entertainment. All are worth discussion, but I'd like to focus on the brilliance of the last one. She strikes out against violent entertainment by writing the most horrifying and violent games imaginable. So smart; there's something A Modest Proposal-ish to it. But as I was sitting in the theatre thinking about the movie and its argument against violent media I also wondered about the thousands of others who have seen it this weekend. And I wanted to know how many of them understood the point, and how many of them just wanted a "good show". And that's when I got scared. Because without understanding the point, if you just walk out saying, "That was a really good movie, didn't you jump with that dog jumped out of the forest" without also saying, "How much of what I saw today is present in my media and entertainment. What precautions should I take to not desensitize myself?" Then what's the point besides making money and entertaining people. Because, in viewing The Hunger Games don't we become the Capitol? The ones who are watching it merely for entertainment value. Scary, right?

The Widow of Nain

A couple of weeks ago I walked into my New Testament class as usual on Mondays and Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. I had done the reading, but sometimes I have a hard time really internalizing the magnificence of the New Testament. There are so many commandments and miracles and sermons and more miracles jammed into a few pages that I get lost in it all and the individual stories loose their meaning.

It was that way with the Widow of Nain. It's a shorter story in which Jesus raises a widow's son from the dead. It's relatively brief, and is often overshadowed by the Daughter of Jarius. But I'm really grateful for an insightful religion professor who took the time to teach me about this woman.

What you need to know about the Widow of Nain is that in Jewish culture, if you were a widow then your son was responsible to take care of you. With the death of this woman's only son, she now had absolutely nothing and no way to take care of herself. That is why everyone in the little village came out to the funeral- they felt so bad for her and her desperate situation. She was at rock bottom and wondering what she had ever done to deserve this.

What you need to know about Jesus is that he was miles away in a city called Capernaum. There was no really direct route to Nain. He would have had to be meaning to go to Nain to be in Nain. It's a town several miles off the beaten path. He did not know the Widow personally. But somehow in the middle of the night he woke up, got dressed, and started walking. He walked all night long so that he would reach Nain at the time of the funeral so he could raise this widow's son from the dead. Somehow he knew her situation and her faith and did everything in order to bless her.

What an amazing testimony to the character of Jesus. I know that even when I feel like I'm cut off from everything, alone, and desperate he knows where I am and what I'm feeling and will come to me.

The same

Tomorrow will be one month home from my mission. I'm still getting over walking through the streets of Poland with a name tag that said Siostra Allen and preaching the gospel. Like all return missionaries, I miss it like crazy. But what I've been realizing lately is that very little has fundamentally changed. Sure I can wear jeans, sleep passed 6:30 and go on dates. But the person I was on my mission and my goals and dreams are still just as important to me. I still want to be worthy of the title disciple of Jesus Christ. I still want people who see me on the street to notice something different. And I still want to take every opportunity given me to serve others and testify of my Savior. Being home from a mission does not mean I have to give up the most important parts of being a missionary. I just get to be a little more creative on how to accomplish it. So my name is Tracy Nicole Allen. I am a BYU student who loves to read. I'm studying to be an English teacher and share that passion with others. I sing all the time and love talking to my brother on the phone. I try and eat as much Mexican food as possible and love the Utah mountains. And although I don't wear a name tag anymore, I am still a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Change

Last Thursday I woke up in Lodz. 

Friday I woke up in Warsaw. 

Saturday I woke up in Las Vegas. 

Monday I woke up in Provo.

In a matter of days everything that was normal to me was turned upside down. I no longer wake up at 6:30. I no longer call everyone Sister and Elder. I no longer ride tramwejs. I no longer speak Polish all the time. I no longer have the constant pull to be outside working all the time in all kinds of weather. I no longer stop people on the street and ask if they want to learn more about the Book of Mormon. I no longer wear skirts and a name tag everyday. 

People ask me how I feel since I've been back. The crazy thing is that everything feels so normal. My family is the same. Las Vegas looks the same. BYU is the same. My brain remembers everything and so it feels familiar, but not. I am different. Everything is different because I am different. And so it's not the same. 

Someone told me that coming home from a mission allows you to rediscover yourself. I can see that. Now that I'm back I can re-decide what is important to me and what I want to be normal. But in the midst of all this change and rediscovery I'm grateful I have an anchor in the gospel. While I'm figuring out all the details, the core things in my life don't have to waver and that is reassuring.

Remembering

I found my missionary name tag in my pocket a couple days ago.  My coat pocket has holes in it and apparently it had fallen through into the lining. Thoughts of my mission had been floating in my head all day and frankly I was feeling lost in the mix. I was missing the familiarity of missionary life and the comfort of always having a companion. However, finding my name tag was strangely reassuring. It reminded me that even though I no longer wear the name tag on my chest, I am still everything that it represents. I am still Sister Allen a disciple of Jesus Christ. I will still have opportunities to testify of Him and serve others. I can still dedicate my life to Him. 

Tracy is Coming Home!

Dear Family,
I don't think that it's set in yet that I'm going home... this week. That this is my last e-mail to you all as a missionary. So strange. I just feel normal because this is exactly what I've done every P-day for the last year and a half, like clockwork. I'm having a hard time understanding that it's going to end. But end it will. My closet is looking very bare as I pack things up.

I did receive my Christmas package. Thank you sooooo much. I love the makeup and everything fits nicely in that little bag. I'll probably send a couple books home so that I can buy some Polish pottery on my last day in Warsaw. I'm taking the train into Warsaw on Thursday and heard that Sister Bailey and I are going to meet with Anna. A woman I taught last year and then got transfered a couple weeks before her baptism, Sister Bailey came in and finished preparing her for baptism and so we both have a special place in our heart for her and I'm super excited to see her before I leave.

We've mostly been working with three investigators this transfer:
Emilia who moved to Canada today actually, so we won't meet with her this week, but I have her contact information and we're going to stay in touch.
Teresa her granddaughter went into the hospital today so we're going to go by there this evening and see if we can lend some comfort and joy
Magda who lost her phone and so we haven't had contact with her since before Christmas. She lives 30 minutes outside of Lodz and so we tried to visit her last week, but she wasn't home when we dropped by. I'm super sad that I might not get to see her again, but I will definitely send her some letters.
Teresa and Magda have been investigating for a while, so this isn't strange for them to have missionaries change. Plus they saw Elder Smith go home a few weeks ago.
Besides investigators we're going to meet with a few members this week: We're helping Sureeat, a Thai member, prepare to go to the temple and Ania. Besides that, we're going to contact and trakt like normal. So it'll be a normal week sort of.

I am so excited for Scott. Based on his clues, there are only 4 missions I can think of: Mongolia, Russia, Alaska, and Canada. He will do great whereever the Lord sends him.

I love you all so much. I want you to know that I have a testimony of this church. I love it and I love representing my Savior everyday. I know that as we come closer to God we are happier and that the Book of Mormon is one of the most powerful ways of doing that. I can't wait to see all your smiling faces at 11:30 at night. Have a great week. See you Friday.

Siostra Allen

WARNING: Weird things I will probably do
Give Polish hug, kiss on the cheek greetings
Try and feed guests the minute they walk in the door
Comment on how people should dress warmer and fix peoples scarves so they cover their whole neck.
Speak Polish at strange times and expect everyone to understand what I'm saying
Be overly honest. Ex: How do you feel? American response: Great! Polish response: I'm tired and my back hurts
Feel like I have to plan out my day the night before and use a planner
Follow you around because I can't be alone

Christmas 2011 in Poland

I can't believe how fast time flies. This week and month and transfer and year. There is so much that has happened and yet it feels like yesterday that I was getting off the plane here in Poland with so many hopes and dreams and worries. I am so grateful for the many experiences that I have gained and the people I have come to know and love. During this holiday season I am especially grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and all that He made possible. He is the hope I have in a better world and a happy and successful life.

I love you all so much. It was so fun to talk to you yesterday. I am getting so excited to see you again. It's strange, for the last year and a half it has been normal to never see you and only speak to you twice a year, and in a few weeks I'm going to see you all in the flesh. Crazy! You mentioned a trip with Scott and I to Northern California. That would be really fun. I definitely want to get up there soon and visit grandma and Sherisse and Sammy. We'll figure it out when I get back and when we know the specifics about Scott's call. I know there are three day weekends on Martin Luther King Day and President's Day. Those would probably be the best times to go for me.

We've been really lucky to have a very loving branch here in Lodz. Today we're going to have our third Polish Christmas dinner. Yay, more fried carp! But it's ensured that we aren't bored through the holiday season and it's been fun to participate in some of the Polish traditions. On Christmas Eve we got together and had a White Elephant, Pot-luck dinner, and then acted out the Nativity. Christmas on the mission never really feels the same, but it was fun.

President Nielson was in Lodz last week and told me about how they have decreased the allowed weight on our luggage, so last week I sent two boxes of books home so they wouldn't push me over the limit. I'm debating on how much I want my Polish grammar books and if it's worth it to me to ship them home too. We'll see. I sent them home, but not priority. So they'll probably get there in February.

Thank you so much for the e-mail mom. I am so grateful for your valiant effort in trying to not trunk me out. You are always so encouraging and want me to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Thanks for the great example. I love you and I'll hear from you next week.

Siostra Allen