http://whi.s3.prod.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/images/682359/city_rain_umbrella_city_rain_dark_girls-8ddc8630eaca79ba4598a427e16e6bf3_h_large.jpgIt might be like this today, either way, I miss London and its bricked streets and pedestrian traffic.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Silent Saturday
http://whi.s3.prod.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/images/682359/city_rain_umbrella_city_rain_dark_girls-8ddc8630eaca79ba4598a427e16e6bf3_h_large.jpgIt might be like this today, either way, I miss London and its bricked streets and pedestrian traffic.
Friday, February 26, 2010
My brain is officially fried
It always happens right about now--end of February and early March. I don't know why I expected this year to be different, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I hate being irresponsible because I can barely keep my life together. Because when I sit down in front of a computer to write a paper or memorize vocab it's like cramming spaghetti through the eye of a needle. Cooked spaghetti. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, in fact I'm forgetting all the concepts I already learned. One second I feel like I might have it together again, and then 2 hours later I'm a frantic wreck.
I fall asleep in class, which is not a normal occurrence. I watch TV, also unusual. I forget things, important things. I have to back out of obligations just so I can get the bare minimum done. Is it wrong to wish for sanity? Or the ability to go without sleep? Or the ability to sleep more than 6 hours in a night? I know, 6 hours right? That should be sufficient for a college student. But it's not. Apparently 18 hours is not enough time to get everything done and 6 isn't enough to rejuvenate me. I think I'll start looking in every closet I can find until I discover Narnia or Hogwarts. Maybe they'll let me clean dishes and listen to Cascada with the house elves.
C'est la vie
I really need to stop complaining. I mean, this is what I signed up for. I knew life was going to be hard when I made the decision to come. I knew there would be a LOT of human limitations that I would have to deal with. I don't regret that decision for a second and I never will. The reality is that these experiences are a blessing and I learn a lot from them. I have a Heavenly Father who is helping me in every way he can. He wouldn't have sent me here to fail.
Knowing all this doesn't make days and weeks like this any easier... or does it. It's because of this knowledge that I get up in the morning and do everything I can to make today better than yesterday. To improve on one portion of yesterday that I failed at. Maybe I'll fail today too--there's always tomorrow, and the next day. Eventually I'll get the hang of it and move on to bigger and better things. And in ten years I'll look back and laugh at frustrated I was. How small of an issue it will seem to me then. Until that day, I'll just keep on going, and maybe write about it once in a while. Hope you're all having a wonderful Friday.
I fall asleep in class, which is not a normal occurrence. I watch TV, also unusual. I forget things, important things. I have to back out of obligations just so I can get the bare minimum done. Is it wrong to wish for sanity? Or the ability to go without sleep? Or the ability to sleep more than 6 hours in a night? I know, 6 hours right? That should be sufficient for a college student. But it's not. Apparently 18 hours is not enough time to get everything done and 6 isn't enough to rejuvenate me. I think I'll start looking in every closet I can find until I discover Narnia or Hogwarts. Maybe they'll let me clean dishes and listen to Cascada with the house elves.
C'est la vie
I really need to stop complaining. I mean, this is what I signed up for. I knew life was going to be hard when I made the decision to come. I knew there would be a LOT of human limitations that I would have to deal with. I don't regret that decision for a second and I never will. The reality is that these experiences are a blessing and I learn a lot from them. I have a Heavenly Father who is helping me in every way he can. He wouldn't have sent me here to fail.
Knowing all this doesn't make days and weeks like this any easier... or does it. It's because of this knowledge that I get up in the morning and do everything I can to make today better than yesterday. To improve on one portion of yesterday that I failed at. Maybe I'll fail today too--there's always tomorrow, and the next day. Eventually I'll get the hang of it and move on to bigger and better things. And in ten years I'll look back and laugh at frustrated I was. How small of an issue it will seem to me then. Until that day, I'll just keep on going, and maybe write about it once in a while. Hope you're all having a wonderful Friday.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Cop out
In some ways I think a person can get to know someone better by reading their blog than by seeing them everyday at work or in class. People write what they're actually thinking and feeling and experiencing on their blog (or at least I do) whereas they might not share that with just a casual acquaintance. There is value in this form of communication. In how a person describes themselves. But there is also value in how others view them.
As a side-note, I've also been thinking about the collective experience lately, especially as I've been reading others' blogs. I read something someone else wrote and find a little bit of myself in it. Even if I wasn't there, even if I don't agree. Somewhere underneath it all everything connects. Like a grove of aspen. So this post is kind of a cop out. I didn't write very much. But it is a compilation of things written about me, or that resonated with me as I read them. Enjoy.
You see, some people like Michele and Rachel have taken time out of their busy days and blogged about me. What there is to blog about I'm not exactly sure, but apparently they see something.
And then there are those who've written about experiences that we shared:
like when Julie wrote about the class we have together,
or some London ladies make sport of BYU in all its quirkiness,
Landen blogging about our exciting household fire experience,
Sierra writing about Columbine,
and Lisa about being an Englishy nerd.
I know these experiences. I am a participant.
And then lastly, there are others that make me think and feel and love
(not that the others don't, these are just examples from recent days).
Like when Brittany posted quotes/poems by EBB and Emily Dickinson that reminded me why I love late 19th Century poetry,
like Jessie's post from Austria that made me cry at work because I felt human in the best sense of the word,
like this music on Amy's blog one day that made me feel inspired and happy inside.
Like Emma's photography that makes me want to drop everything and get on a plane and not stop until I've seen everything.
I want you all to know that I love reading what you have to say. That while I learn a lot about myself writing on my blog, it's while reading yours that I learn the most about who I am and what I want to become. So thanks.
*All pictures were snipped from blogger profiles, except Michele's which came from her facebook.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Continuity
Megan brought me home a beautiful scarf from an Egyptian bazaar as a souvenir from her escapades in the Near East. It's a rich teal and gold weave-- you've probably seen me wear it, because I wear it often. In fact I was wearing it today. Today as it snowed for hours, never really sticking to the ground, but creating puddles on the sidewalks and little droplets on my coat. And I was thinking of the person who made the scarf, or the one who sold it. To them, it's purpose was as a head wrap to shield from the sun. And here I was wearing their creation as an insulator about my neck, happy that it was keeping me warm, glad the melting snow didn't soak all the way through. The two are so completely different because we live in two completely different places. But me and the Egyptian stand owner thought that it was beautiful. That is the same no matter where we live and how we use it.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Gendered Academics
There are boys in the English major. Normal boys can like books. (I should probably say men, but I'm not going to. Just assume it's not a commentary on their masculinity and just a commentary on how I refer to my friends of the opposite gender.) So, like I was saying, there are boys in my classes. I should admit thought that although it's not quite as exclusive as say, the Elementary Ed or Nursing programs, there is definitely a slight dominance on the side of the girls. This is the class dynamic I'm used to.
But I'm taking a class in Near Easter Studies this semester which is the complete opposite. There is a group of boys in my class that have all taken similar classes, know the same professors, etc--they've created a fraternity (not in the frat boy sense, but in the actual definition sense). They all sit together behind the line of demarcation. There's a different type of witty repartee between them, they are more blunt, there's a unique version of confidence, an underlying alpha-male contention. It's very...different. The great thing about classes is that you play off of the other students, and so, because this class is out of the norm for me, I have to wheedle out a new role as commenter when I'm in class with them. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, adaptation is good, but it's new nonetheless. I'll get to learn how to be a little different kind of student. I don't know what to conclude from this observation, but I thought I would throw it out there because I was thinking it.
But I'm taking a class in Near Easter Studies this semester which is the complete opposite. There is a group of boys in my class that have all taken similar classes, know the same professors, etc--they've created a fraternity (not in the frat boy sense, but in the actual definition sense). They all sit together behind the line of demarcation. There's a different type of witty repartee between them, they are more blunt, there's a unique version of confidence, an underlying alpha-male contention. It's very...different. The great thing about classes is that you play off of the other students, and so, because this class is out of the norm for me, I have to wheedle out a new role as commenter when I'm in class with them. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, adaptation is good, but it's new nonetheless. I'll get to learn how to be a little different kind of student. I don't know what to conclude from this observation, but I thought I would throw it out there because I was thinking it.
The Joys of Domesticity
I have just developed a testimony of domesticity.
Yesterday was absolutely insane. I was in class or working non-stop from 8 am to 6:45 pm. As I walked home exhausted, starving, and stressed out, cooking dinner was the last thing that I wanted to do upon returning to my apartment. But after dropping my backpack off and changing my clothes I quickly set about browning the sausage and chopping the green pepper.
Normally I feel irritable and lethargic when I get home from days like this All I want to do is lie down on the floor and listen to Regina Spektor, but I felt surprisingly at peace and happy as I was chopping . I was doing something productive. It was going to taste good (hopefully). It was Sausage Merengo. I love Sausage Merengo. And for over an hour I didn't have to memorize laws of physics or attempt to understand post-modern commentary. I could just have a couple minutes in the kitchen to myself.
I don't know that I'll ever look quite like the girl above, but I've certainly learned that you can enjoy the tasks that must be completed. That we need balance. Studying all the time isn't fun. Cleaning or cooking all the time isn't fun. But they have their time and place and provide necessary equilibrium. I think I'll balance out my day with some freshly baked cookies. That sounds like a good idea.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Mission Update
A few months ago I made a big announcement on here. That I was going to leave everything for 18 months and preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Here's the update on that.
My papers are almost done! It's a rather long and involved process. You aren't allowed to submit them until 90 days before the day you are available to leave. Mine is May 5th, meaning February 5th is when mine were first able to go in. However, as I was informed last week, my doctor didn't finish all of the tests she was supposed to. The TB test that would have been so easy to do over break when I didn't have work and classes, was never completed. So I'm finishing that up now. Unfortunately scheduling in an hour to go over to the Health Center and have this done between the hours of 8 and 5 is easier said than done. I currently have an appointment for next Tuesday, a week from today, but I'm toying around with taking time off work to do it this week.
We'll see what happens. I guess if nothing else I'm working on improving my patience skills. Something tells me I'm going to need those when I'm knocking on doors all day long. Anyway. I'll let you know where I'm going just as soon as I know. Expect a big flag taking over my page in the near future.
My papers are almost done! It's a rather long and involved process. You aren't allowed to submit them until 90 days before the day you are available to leave. Mine is May 5th, meaning February 5th is when mine were first able to go in. However, as I was informed last week, my doctor didn't finish all of the tests she was supposed to. The TB test that would have been so easy to do over break when I didn't have work and classes, was never completed. So I'm finishing that up now. Unfortunately scheduling in an hour to go over to the Health Center and have this done between the hours of 8 and 5 is easier said than done. I currently have an appointment for next Tuesday, a week from today, but I'm toying around with taking time off work to do it this week.
We'll see what happens. I guess if nothing else I'm working on improving my patience skills. Something tells me I'm going to need those when I'm knocking on doors all day long. Anyway. I'll let you know where I'm going just as soon as I know. Expect a big flag taking over my page in the near future.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Hopes and Dreams
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